Maine Gandhi Ko

When I visited India last summer, I met my grandma and touched her feet. She seemed confused and looked at my mom to find out who I was. My mom told her, rather loudly I thought, and grandma smiled and blessed me. Then, in the hustle and bustle of a joint family get together we sort of moved on, joking and meeting other relatives. But this incident purterbed me a bit. I had lived with grandma for the first five years of my life and liked to think I had a special place among the grandchildren.

As things moved on, it was noticable that everyone treated grandma rather unusually. She seemed lost and confused all the time. Mom had told me that she had not been doing well these days ('tabiyat thik nahin rehti') and I understood it. She was getting older and of course there would be health nuisances. But this was something puzzling. So I asked my mom and she told me. It was Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's is an emotionally draining thing for people around. Sometimes she did not recognize her children. There are all kinds of delusions that she goes through. She leaves the house without telling anyone and then there is a panic. Doctors have recommended to give her a bracelet with name and address engraved on it. I hate this idea but others in the family think it is practical. She has lived in the village all her life. In fact, she was very well respected there because she was one of the first women to work out of house. To rebel against family in a Bihar village of 1950s is something powerful. Now, the neighbours think she has gone mad. Her children have done better than their previous generation and live far away. But she refuses to move out of the village. She feels she has been incarcerated if she has to stay away from what are familiar surroundings to her.

Sometimes she seems totally fine. Once someone remarked "You dont remember? I told you yesterday!". She said, with choked voice, "This is the disease I have ('Yahi beemari hain na humko') ". I have never felt as defeated as I did then.

It all came back to me when I watched the movie Maine Gandhi Ko Nahin Mara. There are so many medical conditions which remind us of the limitations of human knowledge and capabilities. Alzheimer's is one of them.

P.S. : I dont know what title to put for this post. Hence the title.